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Yesterday, I introduced the idea of indifference, a concept developed by Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Jesuits. He defined indifference as being detached enough from things, people, or experiences to be able either to take them up or to leave them aside, depending on whether they help us to “to praise,
I said that I’ve found the concept immensely helpful and applicable to a number of situations. Today I want to talk about how it might apply when people disrespect us.
I was talking with a friend who was upset because some folks in his extended family didn’t respect him. My first response was, “So what? Why would you worry about something over which you have no control?” By the way, I know I have terrible counseling skills! I’m supposed to empathize or something for a while and then, when the time is right, offer some help.
My second response was, “We need to teach you how to build your relationship with God primarily through the discipline of daily time with him in the word and prayer so that you draw your self worth from God’s love. Then you won’t be as upset when others don’t seem to respect you.”
Finally, after he had been faithful in meeting with God every day and growing in his love for God, I learned the language of indifference. I was able to say, “How are you doing at developing indifference to what these folks think about you?” Using a related concept, Ignatius would have called my friend’s earlier need for respect a “disordered attachment.” And the cure for that is indifference. And by this time, instead of needing respect, my friend had become appropriately unattached, indifferent, to what folks thought about him.
Indifference works for this issue!
“Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matthew 5.11, 12, ESV)