A friend of mine, I’ll call him John, is trying to make amends with someone who is holding something against him. Making amends is something commanded by Jesus himself:

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5.23, 24, ESV)

The sad thing is that the events that precipitated the offense occurred over four years ago. John didn’t even know the other fellow was offended until a recent chance meeting when the fellow said, “We still have this issue…” And John has no idea exactly what he said or did in the context of their many discussions as members of the same church leadership team (John was the pastor). 

The reason this is sad is that the other fellow could have let this go a long time ago. Instead, he’s been carrying it around. 

See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled. (Hebrews 12.15, ESV)

I like Larry Christianson’s concept of “unilateral forgiveness,” which he describes in The Renewed Mind. We have the right, yes, the responsibility to forgive someone whether the other person knows they’ve offended us or not. And if we’d rather just hold onto offenses, then we’re not as mature as we think we are.   

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. (Colossians 3.12 – 14, ESV)