[To follow The Ewellogy, please click on Leave a Comment above, fill in your name and email, and check the box: Notify me of new posts by email. If your comment is, “Notify me,” it won’t post publicly. If you don’t start to receive the blog by email right away, please write to me at bob@ewell.com, and I will see that you get on the list.]

I’ve been writing about indifference, a concept developed by Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Jesuits. He defined indifference as being detached enough from things, people, or experiences to be able either to take them up or to leave them aside, depending on whether they help us to “to praise, reverence, and serve God” (Spiritual Exercises 23).

How does it help confrontations with kids?

We keep our 13-year-old granddaughter one night a week, and as we were leaving for school the next morning a few months ago, I noticed her phone lying off by itself, not with her things. So I picked it up and put it with the stuff she was packing up. She said, rather snippily, “GrandBob, I’ve got it.” So I picked it up and put it down back where it was without saying anything. But my wife could tell I was miffed, and she asked our granddaughter to apologize. 

As I reflected on the incident (which seems really minor as I write it here!), my anger was unnecessary. I could have applied indifference to the situation. Why should I care if she doesn’t want my help? Why should I react negatively if she chooses not to say, “Thanks, GrandBob, for watching out for me.” 

Indifference could help deflect anger in a lot of situations, couldn’t it? It’s OK if that driver cuts me off, even if he makes the light and I don’t. If it takes a minute longer to get somewhere, so what? Could indifference have helped the father who got angry the first time his 14-year-old son beat him at tennis? What about the guy who berates himself after every golf shot? 

Indifference might help us implement James 1.19, 20:

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

[To follow The Ewellogy, please click on Leave a Comment above, fill in your name and email, and check the box: Notify me of new posts by email. If your comment is, “Notify me,” it won’t post publicly. If you don’t start to receive the blog by email right away, please write to me at bob@ewell.com, and I will see that you get on the list.]

Yesterday, I introduced the idea of indifference, a concept developed by Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Jesuits. He defined indifference as being detached enough from things, people, or experiences to be able either to take them up or to leave them aside, depending on whether they help us to “to praise, reverence, and serve God” (Spiritual Exercises 23).

I said that I’ve found the concept immensely helpful and applicable to a number of situations. Today I want to talk about how it might apply when people disrespect us.

I was talking with a friend who was upset because some folks in his extended family didn’t respect him. My first response was, “So what? Why would you worry about something over which you have no control?” By the way, I know I have terrible counseling skills! I’m supposed to empathize or something for a while and then, when the time is right, offer some help.

My second response was, “We need to teach you how to build your relationship with God primarily through the discipline of daily time with him in the word and prayer so that you draw your self worth from God’s love. Then you won’t be as upset when others don’t seem to respect you.”

Finally, after he had been faithful in meeting with God every day and growing in his love for God, I learned the language of indifference. I was able to say, “How are you doing at developing indifference to what these folks think about you?” Using a related concept, Ignatius would have called my friend’s earlier need for respect a “disordered attachment.” And the cure for that is indifference. And by this time, instead of needing respect, my friend had become appropriately unattached, indifferent, to what folks thought about him. 

Indifference works for this issue! 

“Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matthew 5.11, 12, ESV)

[To follow The Ewellogy, please click on Leave a Comment above, fill in your name and email, and check the box: Notify me of new posts by email. If your comment is, “Notify me,” it won’t post publicly. If you don’t start to receive the blog by email right away, please write to me at bob@ewell.com, and I will see that you get on the list.]

I’m learning about the Ignatian concept of “Indifference.”

Ignatius, founder of the Jesuits, defined indifference as being detached enough from things, people, or experiences to be able either to take them up or to leave them aside, depending on whether they help us to “to praise, reverence, and serve God” (Spiritual Exercises 23). 

I’ve found the concept immensely helpful and applicable to a number of situations which I’ll write about over the next few days. I have found that nearly every time I share indifference with someone as a suggestion to deal with a particular issue, they ask, “Is there a verse for that?” Answer: yes, of course. Check out Philippians 4.11 – 13:  

Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

This is Paul practicing indifference.

I will explore in the next several blogs how we can use indifference to help with a variety of issues including perceived lack of respect, anger, and frustration with others’ beliefs and practices. These blogs explore indifference as applied to priorities and relationships and contentment.

[To follow The Ewellogy, please click on Leave a Comment above, fill in your name and email, and check the box: Notify me of new posts by email. If your comment is, “Notify me,” it won’t post publicly. If you don’t start to receive the blog by email right away, please write to me at bob@ewell.com, and I will see that you get on the list.]

“Drip by drip isn’t a crowd pleaser, but that’s what makes real change happen.” -Another prize-winning quote from Seth Godin.

Seth Godin writes a blog every day, ostensibly about marketing, but I find something profoundly useful for ministry at least half the time. “Drip by drip…” comes from today’s blog, January 22, 2019, in a post about gradual change.

Jesus, in his three years of public ministry, had a few big events. The feeding of the 5,000 comes to mind and maybe the Sermon on the Mount. The confrontations with the religious leaders described in John chapters 5 – 10 often were associated with large crowds.

But I would argue that Jesus’ main work was with the twelve. Assume they are always there no matter what else is going on, and he chose them “…so that that they might be with him and that he might send them out…” (Mark 3.14). He told Peter and Andrew, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” (Matthew 4.19) 

He invested in these men, drip by drip, over three years so that, he could send them out to replicate the process. “Make disciples of all nations… teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.” (Matthew 28.19) 

It’s a simple system, but over the years, we have tried to improve on it. Churches seem to love and rely on big events. Once the senior pastor of a large church asked the youth pastor to organize a Christian concert. I love it that the youth pastor responded, “Why?” Answer: “So we can get more kids into the building.” The youth pastor replied: “If I put on a concert, the only kids that will come are kids who are already involved in ours or another church’s youth group. After the concert, they will all return to their own churches. The net impact will be zero.” This youth pastor wasn’t doing nothing; he was investing his time in kids one-on-one and encouraging his staff to do the same. Not as flashy as putting on concerts, or in Seth’s words, not as much of a “crowd pleaser,” but way more effective.

By the way, have you considered that the 600,000 men who left Egypt in Exodus 14 experienced in quick succession, Passover (where the Egyptian first-born were killed), the dividing of the Red Sea, and the giving of the law on Mount Sinai? Three of the biggest events I can imagine. Yet of the 600,000, the total number who persevered through the wilderness and entered the promised land was exactly two: Joshua and Caleb. (See Hebrews 3.16 – 19.) Real change takes more than big events!

You and I need to value the “drip by drip” opportunities we have…to encourage someone, to help a neighbor, to pray for someone, to tell someone we’re praying for them, to share what God is teaching us through our daily prayer times with someone else, to teach them how to have time with God…. Don’t expect someone else’s big event to get it done when God wants you to be making a small difference where you are.

A little one shall become a thousand, And a small one a strong nation. I, the LORD, will hasten it in its time.” (Isaiah 60.22, NKJV)

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. (Matthew 5.16, ESV)

[To follow The Ewellogy, please click on Leave a Comment above, fill in your name and email, and check the box: Notify me of new posts by email. If your comment is, “Notify me,” it won’t post publicly. If you don’t start to receive the blog by email right away, please write to me at bob@ewell.com, and I will see that you get on the list.]

Here’s a quote I never thought I’d see in a Wall Street Journal publication:

“The only solution to lots of issues is to buy less.” -Ilse Cornelissens (WSJ. February 2019)

One issue that buying less would solve is clutter! Back in 2015, we read Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I recommend the book. It motivated us to get rid of a lot of things we didn’t need, including books! I finally realized that no one will come in and commend me for my large library. In fact, when my kids go through my stuff after I’m gone, I want them to know that the books that are left are books that I’ve read and that had an impact on me. 

Now Marie has a program on NetFlix! We’ve watched a couple episodes and find it motivating as well as entertaining when you see people who have accumulated more stuff than they can even fit into their house and still have room to walk!

Two concepts stand out.

• “If an item doesn’t spark joy, get rid of it!” For example, don’t keep clothes you never wear even if you did buy them on sale!
• Transformation is required, and Marie uses that word. Many of the folks on the show have to adjust their mindset to be willing to part with things even if they’re never used and are in the way. 

Of course, if we hadn’t bought more stuff than we need, we wouldn’t have the clutter problem! So the counsel we opened with stands:

The only solution to lots of issues is to buy less.

Or, as Jesus said,

“Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” (Luke 12.15, ESV)

[To follow The Ewellogy, please click on Leave a Comment above, fill in your name and email, and check the box: Notify me of new posts by email. If your comment is, “Notify me,” it won’t post publicly. If you don’t start to receive the blog by email right away, please write to me at bob@ewell.com, and I will see that you get on the list.]

I’ve just read two books by men who were active in fairly dogmatic, rigid environments (different environments, ironically!) and jumped into a different fairly dogmatic, rigid environment. The purpose of the books was to convince us of the truth they had discovered. It seems that we have four choices: 

• Stay with our original, pure method / theology / church / tradition (pick one), and if it is challenged or if we have doubts, just double down in our convictions and make our window even smaller.
• Jump, as these men have done, into a different but equally dogmatic tradition. “Now I’ve found the real truth!”
• Abandon the faith or the ministry altogether.
• Open our window a bit. To recognize there is truth in many different traditions and effectiveness in different approaches to ministry.
  • For example, as a Navigator, I am firmly committed to a relational, disciple-making ministry, accessible to everyone. I’ve written about that before. I have materials that I like although materials don’t make disciples, people make disciples! But a lot of good ministry is done by people not practicing relational disciple-making, and people are helped by books and materials that I wouldn’t use or even endorse. 
  • As a lifelong believer and Bible student, I have certain theological convictions, but I often work with pastors who have different convictions. And these pastors are gracious enough to work with me even if we don’t believe exactly the same in the details.

My friend and fellow-Navigator Bill Mowry has just written an excellent piece on this very thing. You can access it here: Gray Hair Chronicles #4.  

“Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.” 1 Corinthians 8.1

[To follow The Ewellogy, please click on Leave a Comment above, fill in your name and email, and check the box: Notify me of new posts by email. If your comment is, “Notify me,” it won’t post publicly. If you don’t start to receive the blog by email right away, please write to me at bob@ewell.com, and I will see that you get on the list.]

I thought I was done writing about Clemson, but this story is too good to pass up (or not pass on!). One of Clemson Head Coach Dabo Swinney’s mottoes is “love conquers all.” He talks about loving the players: “We just try to love the players and equip them for life.”

One of the ways they are equipped emulates one of the ways Dabo Swinney was was equipped: Dabo and the players love their equipment manager. ESPN writes, “The toughest guy in Clemson’s football program is David Saville, the team’s equipment manager and the one who keeps Dabo Swinney in line.

“You can see ESPN’s excellent video here.

David was born with Down Syndrome, and the 5-minute video tells the story. He’s 27 now and has been Clemson’s equipment manager for 7 years. Where did Dabo learn to value those with Down Syndrome and make them part of the team? From his mentor Coach Gene Stallings who used to coach the University of Alabama. Coach Stallings had a son, John Mark, with Down Syndrome, and John came to practice every day. Dabo was a receivers coach there at the time. Watching Gene interact with his son had a profound effect on Dabo, and now he has a chance to pass that on to his players.

This is love that you can’t fake, and God honors that.

And the King will answer them, “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” (Matthew 25.40, ESV)

[To follow The Ewellogy, please click on Leave a Comment above, fill in your name and email, and check the box: Notify me of new posts by email. If your comment is, “Notify me,” it won’t post publicly. If you don’t start to receive the blog by email right away, please write to me at bob@ewell.com, and I will see that you get on the list.]

Someone asked me the other day if there was a verse for the father as protector of the family. My immediate response was that there aren’t that many specific verses about fathers (e.g., Ephesians 6.4 and Colossians 3.21 come to mind), and they don’t say anything about protection.

But, of course, God is our example of a father, so we can think about God’s role as protector.

Psalm 20.1: “May the name of the God of Jacob protect you!”

Psalm 59.1: “Deliver me from my enemies, O my God; protect me from those who rise up against me.” 

If we expand from God as our Father to God as our Shepherd, it’s even better!

Psalm 23.4: “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me…”

John 10.11: “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.”

There’s an excellent ministry for fathers called Dad the Family Shepherd. The name says it all.

So to answer my friend, yes, as a dad, you are responsible, among other things, to protect your family. Your model is your heavenly Father, and as you spend time with him, you can become more and more like him in your fathering.

[To follow The Ewellogy, please click on Leave a Comment above, fill in your name and email, and check the box: Notify me of new posts by email. If your comment is, “Notify me,” it won’t post publicly. If you don’t start to receive the blog by email right away, please write to me at bob@ewell.com, and I will see that you get on the list.]

As he was walking by the shore of Lake Galilee, Jesus noticed two fishermen who were brothers. One was nicknamed Keefa (later called Peter), and the other was Andrew, his brother. Watching as they were casting their nets into the water, Jesus called out to them and said, “Come and follow me, and I will transform you into men who catch people for God.” Immediately they dropped their nets and left everything behind to follow Jesus. (Matthew 4.18 – 20, The Passion Translation)

It’s a familiar passage: “Follow me and I will make you fishers of men.” Here are some simple observations:

• I think it’s fair that this was a special call to “leave everything behind to follow Jesus.” Not everyone is called in that way. 
• Jesus called Peter and Andrew while they were working! One doesn’t sit around doing nothing while waiting for Jesus’ call. I served 20 years in the Air Force, retiring as a lieutenant colonel in 1990. I ran a statistical consulting business for another 10 years. I had just returned from Europe where I had been teaching courses in training development for Azusa Pacific University, and I was in Washington, D.C., working with a client on test development when my call came: a literal call from a friend in Alabama asking me to apply for a church staff job in discipleship. I was working, and my immediate response was “not interested.” But we did apply; we were hired, moved from Colorado to Alabama, and started work six months later. 
• The call involves transformation. “I will transform you…” Our time in Alabama was transformational, too, but that’s a subject for another blog!
• The call is for a mission. “…men who catch people for God.” I’m not called for my personal enrichment. Following Jesus is about mission. And as I’ve written here many times, the mission is for ALL, whether we have a special call or not. 2 Timothy 2.2, “What you have heard from me …commit to faithful people who will teach others also.” It’s so easy, anyone can do it, even “lay” people. It’s so important, everyone must do it, even Christian professionals. As one pastor said, “Preaching is my day job; my real calling is to invest in men to make reproducing disciples.”

[To follow The Ewellogy, please click on Leave a Comment above, fill in your name and email, and check the box: Notify me of new posts by email. If your comment is, “Notify me,” it won’t post publicly. If you don’t start to receive the blog by email right away, please write to me at bob@ewell.com, and I will see that you get on the list.]

I’m going through the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Jesuits. This week is the section recognizing the Lordship of Christ, a long-time emphasis of The Navigators as well. Often, Christian leaders spend a lot of time trying to talk believers into responding to Jesus’ call on their lives. It seems a shame. Why would we NOT want to follow Jesus wholeheartedly? 

Going back to our lessons from Clemson football (or any excellent athletic program): teams need players’ wholehearted participation. Players may make mistakes, but they should never be lacking in devotion or effort. 

Ignatius puts it this way: 

“All those who have judgment and reason will offer themselves wholeheartedly for this labor.” 

Can you think logically and rationally? Do you have good judgment? Then respond wholeheartedly to Jesus!

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. (Philippians 3.13 – 15, NIV)