{"id":7890,"date":"2024-08-06T17:30:00","date_gmt":"2024-08-06T23:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/drbobewell.com\/?p=7890"},"modified":"2024-08-02T11:15:22","modified_gmt":"2024-08-02T17:15:22","slug":"repair-and-remain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/drbobewell.com\/?p=7890","title":{"rendered":"Repair and Remain"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We just noted that a main theme of Hebrews is &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/drbobewell.com\/?p=7874\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Stay with it<\/a>,&#8221; and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.sahilbloom.com\/newsletter\/how-to-innovate-continuous-progress-more\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Sahil Bloom<\/a> recommended a fantastic article that&#8217;s too good not to share: <a href=\"https:\/\/comment.org\/repair-and-remain\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Repair and Remain: How to do the slow hard work of staying put<\/a> by Kurt Armstrong. It&#8217;s long and worth the read in its entirety. Here are Sahil&#8217;s takeaways:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><em>Repair the small things before they become big things.<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><em>Make the minor upgrades that keep your life feeling fresh.<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><em>Work with what you&#8217;ve got, learn to appreciate what you&#8217;ve got, and don&#8217;t fall for the &#8220;shiny object&#8221; trap.<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The following snippets jumped out at me:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;<em>for twelve years now I\u2019ve had a hybrid operation, juggling a one-man autodidact home-repair business and part-time lay ministry at a little Anglican church in Winnipeg. My basic MO in both roles is simple: repair and remain.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Note: home-repair business and part-time lay ministry. He juxtaposes these in the remainder of the essay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>&#8230;Odds are the house you\u2019re in right now needs a few updates and minor upgrades, and I\u2019d be happy to help with whatever you need done: add some new windows, open up some walls, replace the old basement stairs, tile the backsplash. Repair and remain.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Same with pastoring: no point thinking you need a brand-new life, but, well, let\u2019s not kid around\u2014you could use some serious updates and upgrades yourself.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Let\u2019s say time comes to gut and renovate your bathroom: I can help you with that\u2014demolition, framing, reworking the plumbing, moving some electrical, installing some mould-resistant drywall, maybe some nice tile for the floor and some classic glazed ceramic three-by-six subway tile for the tub surround. Should take a month or two, depending on what all\u2019s involved. And as for you, hey, for the sake of your wife and kids, I think you better quit the flurry of furtive late-night texts to the sexy young co-worker and cut back a bit on your recreational drinking because wine is a mocker, so goes the proverb, as if those Facebook posts of you at the bar last week weren\u2019t proof enough.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Repair and remain. Work with what you\u2019ve got. Sit still for a moment, take stock, make some changes. Big changes, if necessary.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Over the past dozen years I have had hundreds of pastoral conversations, mostly with young men, about the challenges of family life. They tell me it\u2019s exhausting, that there\u2019s no more free time, that they\u2019re having a hard time setting aside their dreams and wishes, that kids can be unbearably frustrating. I get it. They tell me that the marriage isn\u2019t what it used to be, that they don\u2019t really have anything in common anymore, that the passion\u2019s gone, that she isn\u2019t who she used to be, that the sex isn\u2019t what it used to be, that they\u2019re tired of all of it. I sip my coffee and nod in agreement with every word. I understand. I feel it too. It\u2019s the same at my house. Marriage is hard.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>But when they say, \u201cI\u2019m thinking of leaving,\u201d I think, Now hang on a sec. You had me right up to that last bit. Fine: you\u2019ve changed; she\u2019s changed; life has changed. And the kids\u2014well, they\u2019ve disrupted, interrupted, confronted, confounded, and otherwise fundamentally altered everything. All very, very hard. And yes, sometimes it feels impossible. I know what it\u2019s like to feel trapped, and my wife undoubtedly knows what it\u2019s like to feel trapped, because she\u2019s stuck with me, the more irritable and moody ingredient in our marriage. But you\u2019re thinking of leaving? What is that going to fix?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>We have, all of us and to varying degrees, been duped by the sales pitches, the flashing cascade of advertisements traipsing through the sidebar. That jam-packed flow of ads is full of shiny new things, new techniques, new experiences that promise to finally alleviate the so-far insatiable, burning, lonely, primordial ache. Bono laments, \u201cI still haven\u2019t found what I\u2019m looking for.\u201d Springsteen cries out, \u201cEverybody\u2019s got a hungry heart.\u201d k.d. lang bemoans the \u201cconstant craving.\u201d Augustine says, \u201cOur hearts are restless.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>So it goes. I\u2019ve said it more than once to some guy across the table who tells me he\u2019s planning to leave his marriage: You should stay. Sit in the awful, agonizing sorrow of it all, and figure some things out. Your life is very hard. I know you\u2019ve thought it through more than I can imagine; I know you\u2019ve calculated the cost-benefit, weighed your options; and all that is fine and good. There is no way of knowing how this will play out in your very real life. Nobody can predict the future. Something has to give, yes. But it doesn\u2019t need to be this. I think you should stay.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>It\u2019s a tough sell. I understand, because my undisciplined imagination, formed like everyone else\u2019s by countless half-minute ads and building-sized billboards, frolics among fantastic, glamorous possibilities of something other than what I\u2019ve already got. It\u2019s a cornucopia of options, with countless cathedrals and priests promising salvation at the marketplace, be it a new app, new phone, new car, new house, new job, new city, or new spouse. The promise is always the same: this thing will make you happy. Never mind trying to fix what you\u2019ve got. Just get a new one and start over.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Repair and remain sounds simple because it is. But simple is not the same as easy. \u201cFor better, for worse,\u201d we say, and everyone likes to stay when it\u2019s the better. But staying through the worse\u2014that\u2019s the whole point of the vow, for Christ\u2019s sake.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Mostly they do what they\u2019ve already decided to do, and they leave. My track record for counselling couples to stick it out is pretty poor. I still think the better part of wisdom says stay. Endure. Wrestle. Suffer. Struggle. Keep working. Your heart is restless, my heart is restless, all our hearts are restless, \u201cuntil they find their rest in Thee\u201d\u2014a rest that may well be found in full only after our death. So be it. Until then: stay.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Repair and remain.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Repair and remain.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Repair and remain.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; End of article &#8211; <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The author&#8217;s primary application to &#8220;repair and remain&#8221; is marriage. But remember, Sahil&#8217;s applications were broader than that. And if the marriage counsel is not for you right now, it might be for someone you know. I&#8217;ve had these conversations. About 30 years ago, a brother had a wife who was given (as he told it) to temper tantrums. She would throw things. He told me, &#8220;I can&#8217;t take it anymore.&#8221; I looked him in the eye and said, &#8220;Yes you can.&#8221; And he did. I&#8217;m happy to report they are happily together today. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>So don&#8217;t throw it all away now. You were sure of yourselves then. It&#8217;s still a sure thing! But you need to stick it out, staying with God&#8217;s plan so you&#8217;ll be there for the promised completion. (Hebrews 10.35 &#8211; 36, MSG)<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We just noted that a main theme of Hebrews is &#8220;Stay with it,&#8221; and Sahil Bloom recommended a fantastic article that&#8217;s too good not to share: Repair and Remain: How to do the slow hard work of staying put by Kurt Armstrong. It&#8217;s long and worth the read in its entirety. Here are Sahil&#8217;s takeaways: &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/drbobewell.com\/?p=7890\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Repair and Remain<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7890","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8X9bo-23g","jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/drbobewell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7890","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/drbobewell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/drbobewell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/drbobewell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/drbobewell.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7890"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/drbobewell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7890\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7892,"href":"https:\/\/drbobewell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7890\/revisions\/7892"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/drbobewell.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7890"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/drbobewell.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7890"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/drbobewell.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7890"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}